i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm both gender and math confused
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