do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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