i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
P.S. I can't hear my feet
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
