where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize