How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Randomize
