Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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