cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
