I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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