After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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