So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
