"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
