she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
