the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
