So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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