Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
