Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
