Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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