somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just pee around me
I have aggressive nipples.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
