Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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