I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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