Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
