my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
