probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
