How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
