Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
