was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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