take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
