Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
