it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
