Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
