dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
