They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I will pee on everything he values.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
i think my cat just said my name.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
