you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
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