Kiss
Puke
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
