you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
