To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Less talking, more tequila
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
