you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
