So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
