my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Of course I have a pirate flag
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
