Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
