My boss' voice literally gives me gas
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
