my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
