It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
