Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
