He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
