Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
