oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
