I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
