no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
