I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
there is glitter all over my balls
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
