just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
we're making bets on your personal life
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
