i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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