Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
