did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
