If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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