McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
