Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
So I just went to clothing optional bar
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
