im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
