Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
