That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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