I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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