What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
