This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
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