sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
